"I Woke Up In A Car"

What's happened to me?

Well, sometimes you go away for a weekend. And while your destination might be filled with computers and internet access, you're not really interested in hopping online.

And then sometimes you come back from said weekend getaway at 4 a.m. And have to work at 8 the next day. Which is painful enough by itself.

But sometimes your irresponsibility continues, and you might sometimes go seventy-five hours on only ten hours of sleep.

Then sometimes your body orders you to Take A Nap (Now Now Now!) before it starts freaking out and spasming and falling asleep at your desk or behind the wheel or something scary like that.

So then sometimes you spend your lunch break, instead of eating, finding a good spot to take a nap in the backseat leather of your car. It's a good thing cell phones have alarm clocks on them. Here's a hint: windows down, in the shade. Glorious.

And because sometimes you spend your lunch break hunting for a spot and then using said spot, you might be jolted out of a fifteen-minute nap by your cell phone alarm clock and realize you haven't eaten and your body is Not Pleased. It was the body's decision in the first place to take a nap, but the body isn't too bright. Still, it gives the orders around here.

Once receiving orders from your body, you might sometimes start your car in the dull panic that only critically low blood sugar can bring, with the shaking and the weakness and the wanting a McFlurry. Okay, body, you can have a McFlurry. We're trying to gain sixty pounds so we can weigh as much as Art anyway. (And do not tell me that that won't happen. My Wendy's order might be minuscule, but every little bit helps.)

And then sometimes you return back to your office and apologize to the internet for your absence. The body and I have missed you.