Saturday, February 10, 2007

Things That Have Kept Me Away From The Internet

1. A schizophrenic crackwhore (no, I do not exaggerate) came into work requesting alcohol, but saying she'd left her I.D. "up north," (though she told everyone else Mexico, so I wonder where she thought she was), so I refused to sell her any. Whereupon she asked me how much money it would take for me to take off my shirt. It left me speechless and afraid.

2. I made the transition from grinding levels for someone else's Final Fantasy XII game to playing my own game of IX. My drug of choice is no longer heroin. Give me a fat stack of video games, and I will not eat, I will not sleep, I will send misleading e-mails to people about my snowed-in-ness, anything it takes for just one hundred more experience points. Just one hundred more....

3. A friend asked me to go to Cabo San Lucas for spring break, and, hello, I'm there. As Stephanie put it, "You have to do this for all of us!" Thoughts of warm Mexican beaches make it hard to sit in a cold, dull apartment.

4. The recent craze of promotional posters decorating our hallway and living room walls have provided the apartment with a variety of opportunities. Now we don't just talk about doing something awesome at some point in time. We set a date and time, and we MAKE A POSTER TO ADVERTIZE. So everyone knows, and there's lots of guilt if you don't come.

5. My punishing schedule allows me little energy to think of anything to say at all. And by punishing I mean, you could not do this schedule if you tried.

6. I'm too busy watching the police chase said schizophrenic crackwhore around. Literally chase around, and jump over counters and get hit in the face with pans, and forcibly tackle her. So brutal. So so worth it. Except no one used tasers like I suggested.

7. I (re-)learned to double windsor ties. I want to (if I get married) tie my husband's ties for him, so it's a worhwhile skill to have. Plus, this way I can spread the double windsor to more people. Enough of these ugly, useless knots.

8. e-Bay.

9. Art promises 80 degrees of thermostat goodness, and who am I to argue with that? I cannot argue with the 80 degrees. I am too busy sighing with contentment and curling up into a little ball of happy. And then sending that happy in a surge through a playstation controller to kill things.



Blogger Mooney said...

I am not sure "ebay" qualifies as something that has kept you away from the internet.

1:30 AM  
Anonymous Hugo the C said...

High I'm Hugo. I have a trillion dollars. Want to join me in my jungle mountian top pleasure dome?

4:15 AM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

It does if you're trying to stay away from it.

12:58 AM  

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