"A Girl That Can Handle With Care"

Life is funny. Especially mine. I'm not saying that my life is any funnier than anyone else's, but since it's my life, I can see the hilarity more clearly. Good thing I get such a kick out of everything, because it's the only way to live. And with that little introduction, allow me to revert back to a third-grader for a minute.

First place is for losers.

I like to tell myself that. Sometimes it really is true. Who can really appreciate what they have when they're winning? No, they take it for granted and probably do a lot of stupid things. Those in the second, third, fourth, or, in my case, last places take a lot more care in what they do. They worry more and push themselves harder, and in the end, the first placer is just going to get jaded and greedy. All that attention takes away from the integrity of what they are. That's my consolation, at least, because last place really isn't fun, even when I try making lists of all the fun things I get to do and congratulating myself over the lack of stress in my life. That silly first placer... hoo, boy, I wouldn't want to be in their position, is what I'm telling yourself.

Then again, I'm not certain I really am last. It's hard to feel so unnecessary, but it's even harder to feel so unnecessary but to maybe sometimes think that you aren't. But I'll never be the kind of person to be in the first place, because I'm sure not first place material. No, people like me belong in second place. Good, but not great. Almost right, but not enough of that je ne sais quoi to move it up a level.

And now I think I've gained enough stability to move out of that third-grade level. I don't think I really believe that whole "first place is for losers" thing. Hello, first place, they wouldn't be there if they weren't more awesome than I could ever be. That spot isn't for me. My job is to congratulate graciously and find some way to really mean it. I've already lost the race.

Another point I would like to make is that, while it is I who am running the race and therefore exerting my energy and my time and my talent, I am just the runner and therefore have no importance. I'm going to go and try to wrap my head around that one now.