Wednesday, October 20, 2004

"It Starts with One"

I feel like I should apologize for yesterday's post. It wasn't well-written by any stretch of the imagination, and upon rereading it, I'm extremely embarrassed that I let myself hit the publish button. There is enough trash floating around these days, and I shouldn't contribute to it. Then again, I did buy Dan Brown's novel Angels and Demons, so I'm contributing to the verbal slag anyway.

There are other things I should probably apologize for. I apologize for being a naturally nasty person. Please don't encourage my by mislabeling it as wit. I know myself, and witty I ain't, so I need to learn to be something much else. Sweet-natured and kind and understanding and forgiving. And maybe I could learn some long division too.

I'm not kidding about that. Okay, I'm kind of kidding about that. Okay, I'm really, very not serious about that. If you try to reteach long division to me, chances are I will run away. After kicking you in the shins and stealing your pencils. And there again, I'm not a nice person. Stealing poor math majors' pencils. They need those pencils... how else would we cosine our tangents? Or solve pi?

As for me, I would just ask Jeeves. He's a pretty smart guy. Let me ask him right now and see what he comes up with.

Jeeves' answers:
Q. How will we cosine our tangents?
A. 50 trillion pages relating to trigonometry that I refuse to read over, not even for the sake of research. Darn that slippery Jeeves and his dodgy ducking of a simple question.

Q. Who is the fairest of them all?
A. Apparently, something called a "silicon wafer." I kid you not. Computers are taking over the world! Oh. Sudden realization. My computer probably has a crush on Miss Silicon Wafer. I got a biased opinion! Too bad I don't live in a fairy tale, otherwise I could really ask... and not get a lame answer like Snow White. I was happy when she died. And back we are to my acrimony.

Now that my post has come basically full circle, I'll conclude. Hopefully it's more enjoyable than it was yesterday. And points to those of you who know why it's titled what it's titled.


Blogger stevo said...

I enjoy reading your posts. I should be the one apologizing for my latest posts. Anyway, I get points for knowing why you titled this post that! And you're not a nasty person. This should be something you should've learned by being my friend. I'm the nasty one and I'm sorry if it's rubbed off on you. Anyway, there's less than 2 months til you come home! Yay! I luuuu you!

2:08 PM  
Blogger Jordan said...

I laughed 'till I cried! I loved it, a billowy, monstrous, comical thing of a rant! (and funny) Your head works like a pinwheel, you think just to keep it spinning, random and candid, that's what I like. What I mean to say is, good job.

P.S. I updated my story, tell me what you think-it's still a bit sketchy.

5:59 PM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

No, I really am nasty. Just ask your amigo Art. Well, okay, he tried to convince me otherwise too. But he left, so I win by default. And after some soul-searching, I've discovered that I am more insidiously mean than you. For instance, perhaps I hate you, but I'm using you for my own, personal gain... wait a second, that's what my parents think I'm doing. Scratch that idea. Maybe I am just a nice kinda girl. One who believes in decency, bottom line. And more if at all possible.

And Jordan, thanks for laughing. I assure you, I'm only funny on accident. When I try, people stare at me and cough dryly. I'm the kind of person who tells those "you had to be there" stories, but I don't realize it 'til halfway through.

7:30 PM  
Blogger REDguy said...

That's why I refuse to tell real stories anymore. I'll stick to fictional anecdotes. This way if I rub them the wrong way it'll be my storytelling that's to blame and not my personality. :) But to echo the sentiments of the previous gentleman --(Here! Here! or is it Hear, Hear!?)-- I love the way you write, and will continue to call it wit whether you like it or not. There, lookit. I's bein' NASTY.

11:34 PM  

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