Friday, February 18, 2005

"I Held Your Hand Through All Of These Years"

I realize that some things might be better left unsaid, but I'm just foolish enough to say them anyway.

Have you ever agreed to something that seemed so small and insignificant and looked back a while later and laughed and laughed and laughed because you had no idea what you were doing when you said Yes...?

Almost no one who knows me now knows the girl I used to be. And in so many ways I count that as a good thing. I cannot even list all the ways I've changed since I came home from my first year of college. I'm slightly glad I had no idea what was ahead of me. I jumped blindly and gladly into it, like I always advocate. And it all began with a "So I have a friend...." Who could have imagined that I would find someone who fit so perfectly?

Here's to the guy who won me through honesty. We dedicated a Guster song to you. You should listen to it sometime.

Here's to the guy who can always make me feel like a stump, and who does it better than anyone else. I'm not afraid of you, sir, and I refuse to back down. Hope is still an expectation; someday you'll realize that. Like in a thousand years. Don't worry, I'm stubbornly patient.

Here's to the guy who cannot answer a simple question like What do you want? with a simple answer. I'm happy (and I'm NOT rolling my eyes). Are you?

Here's to the guy who gives me a reason to go to North Carolina and to go frequently. Man never fell in love faster or deeper than I have with that state. But it's not the only reason I go. I think state and purpose are interconnected in my mind, which is why I can forgive it for its slow traffic and pink shirts and carpeted malls. And maybe even for Clay Aiken. I'll get back to you on that one.

Here's to the guy who always remembers what color my eyes are. In detail.

Here's to the guy who knows what to do with that silly octopus and who is the only person I'd ever let use it. I wish you could see the way I laugh. It would be good for your soul to hear. Though I wish for it for many more selfish reasons as well.

Here's to the guy I really doubt I'm cool enough to hang around but who seems to welcome my presence anyway. Though I wonder why I have these doubts. There is so much depth to my cool that he hasn't even discovered. But I have a To Do list, and maybe I'll even teach him some whimsy before I'm through.

Here's to the guy who had never heard the word wheedle before he met me. And the guy who taught me what "lummox" means. I hadn't cracked a dictionary in so long.

Here's to the guy who trusts me to be his Plan Leader and a great number of other titles. I haven't forgotten that you were the original Official Decision Maker. I haven't quite figured out how you got out of that one, but I'll attribute it to your wiliness. Speaking of which, I'm saying crafty now just for you.

Here's to the guy who broke my record for latest IM conversation ever. I've seen more sunrises while talking to him than I have with any other person.

Here's to the guy who always manages to bring the rain.

Here's the guy who has more points than anyone. Because he EARNS them. And he keeps earning them. It's your fault anyway for being so frustratingly charming and everything else you are.

Here's to the guy who brought Akhbar into my life. I don't think you know how strange it is to be calling your best friend who's a girl and to have a guy answer the phone. And not just any guy, but a guy with a strange, foreign accent. I figured it out, though, and laughed so incredibly hard.

Here's to the guy with a leather couch and a seat reserved for my return. It's the best couch in the world, I promise you. Maybe because I still remember the night I spent watching you sleep on that couch. Maybe because I never sleep as well as there. I know I keep missing, Ace, but my aim can't be forever bad.

Here's to the guy who needs to become familiar with the story of George and the Dragon. Don't worry, I already have it taken care of.

Here's to the guy who fascinates and amazes me. The best friend I could ever ask for. The person who is behind my quest to save the world. I'm behind your dreams too. I want to see everything you become, because I know it's going to be wonderful.

Note to self, my dear Nicolaus: I miss you terribly.


Blogger Baltazar said...


5:17 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

You already know how I feel about this post.

7:05 PM  
Blogger Bart Zamboni said...

Reading this honestly melts my heart. I long for those feelings articulated so wonderfully. I may sound cheesey fro saying this, but to have feelings like that is to love so deeply that nothing else can harm you. There are not words to say the feelings so accuratly communicated between the lines. Thank you. Advice to the guy to whom this post is directed. Hold tight and never let go.

3:12 AM  
Anonymous dude, where'z my bar said...

DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT YOU ARE!!! kould totally pass for the next brazilian viktoria'z sekret model...oh, u n liz r gonna be fighting forever monge! lol...whut kan i say, you wanted whimsikal, here i am gorgeous...ohh, i feel; and bothered. oww, I just skreamed kuz u thought...I like that, n then umm...that thyng bout hope iz like an intuition, itz sensitive, itz sensual, itz an incentive...not a valor, I just dunno why you don't leave your umm boox onna table, n decipher how much of an idiot I kan be every so often, kuz then I'd fynd reazun to bother YOU and not IT...see you on the runway...p.s. your not taking me alive!!! grrr lol

9:21 AM  

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