Wednesday, October 27, 2004

"Would You Forget Everyone and Forget Everything and Start Over with Me?"

I don't know if I can write this. But I am going to try. Just some realizations I stumbled upon while ruminating to myself. I think I always understood them, but in some kind of nebulous, abstract way. They have only recently been made fairly concrete to me.

What causes people to hold onto pain? To become masochists? Certainly we are not all naturally like that, and perhaps no one is naturally like that. So what happens?

What happens is that we find something precious, something that fulfills a deep need, and we treasure it so carefully. It becomes such a part of ourselves that we cannot let go. And some people will cling to it forever. I admire that tenacity, and I understand it. I know it. But to hold to something through all pain and hopelessness... is this a good thing? It can be. Maybe. I don't really know. But it can destroy a person. And that destruction should never be allowed to happen; people are too precious. Which then leads back into the cycle: people are too precious to let them go, so we hold on and swallow the pain.

So what is the answer? Because there is one. Some people would say, "just let go." That is an action, not an answer, and it seems ludicrous. Why would you relinquish a treasure? No matter how people might tell you to, no matter how other people might want you to, no matter how badly it hurts, you hold on, firm in the belief that you are right. Because you ARE right. This is the dilemma. The answer is not in letting go. The answer is deeper than that, and it is perhaps different for everyone.

It seems unfair that we should hurt and that there should be no cure. No one is going to walk up to you and make everything better. Because no one has that power. Heartache teaches us compassion, because all we can do is wallow in the waiting. Which is the best thing to learn, because when we see it in others, all we can do is hold them and wait.

Wait for what? is the question du jour. What, am I supposed to have all the answers?

6 Comments:

Blogger Sam said...

I agree with all of it.

And I love the title. "Promise" is a great song.

10:35 PM  
Anonymous I'm Vartan Bytch lol said...

you live to learn, you give and receive...it's the only way to heal...by leading the way; and not taking up the tyme of otherz without rekonciliation...we're all different, I know myself to not feel "exakt" letz say eh?...but i have realized this much, when i know whut 1 needz, kan be given...i do my best to receive that lil part within me and let it flutter...only gyverz get, the 1'z who simply wait, wait an eternity...the end...who kan you trust? if not yourself...and you know you kan trust yourself if your not spiteful; by that I mean you KAN eNtERtAiN!!!...even if it seemz for pain, ITZ~NOT!!! lol

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just I had a big fight with my family , None stood me up and I am full of scar . You know a girl with scar means so bad , I even got plenty punches from my brother , I am weak and cannot feel that bad , I never want a fight like this again , I am starting to think that I should die , I am trash and None want me , But I am afraid to die , Can someone tell me How to die myself without pain .

10:00 AM  

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