Thursday, September 22, 2005

The Quality Of My Writing Will Steadily Decline As I Am Forced To Pander To Hack Mormon Authors

One day, I will be a famous author, and I will sentence Dean Hughes to a purgatory filled with only him and his books...BOOKS ON TAPE, READ BY HIM, MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

I don't know how exactly being a famous author will afford me this privilege, but trust me, it will. Because what's the point of going through all the trouble to develop a tone and construct interesting characters and hash out a meaningful and thematic plot and actually get the thing published if you do not at least have the power to punish people who drag the literary world down to the circus level? It'll be in my contract, right under the part about never revealing my Mormon origins to everyone.

Because, well, Mormons and I, we have a problem. That problem is, most (all?) Mormons are unable to come up with anything transcendant and beautiful. They hack out the same stories or write the same screenplays and get a royalty check based on the fact that they're Mormon, and other Mormons will buy their stuff, because it's a fun little community thing going on. We are mindless, mindless sheep. And we should not be! I should not have to say things like, "Can we stop being Mormon for a second and think this through intellectually?" No! I should be able to say things like, "Can we START being Mormon and think this through intellectually?" The glory of God is intelligence, right? I mean, right? So why this pervading culture of secularized Mormondom that discourages intelligent discussion and differences of opinion?

Way to discourage free thought. It's just like when Dean Hughes told the class, "It doesn't matter if you liked it, I HATED it, and I'm the one grading the paper." Well, guess what, Dean: the phoenix is staying. I liked it, other people liked it, it fits in well with everything else, IT STAYS. Oh, and m-a-n-t-r-a isn't pronounced man-truh, but good try.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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6:34 PM  
Blogger Miss Hass said...

Amen, sister. Gerald Lund? Anita What's-her-name? Oh, the pain.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Oh, I warned you...how I warned you...I feel like Cassandra, in that I'm wearing a nice billowy dress.

Actually, right now I'm stuck in a class taught by a mormon pseudo-intellectual. I feel your pain.

7:24 PM  

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