Sunday, December 12, 2004

"My Own Little World Is What I Deserve"

Now onto my next post whose topic was brought about by my last post, and is actually something that has been on my mind a lot recently.

Stop spoiling me.

The problem is, I like being spoiled. I like it far, far too much. It is my tragic flaw, so, wanting to avoid death and damnation as much as possible, I try to keep from it. Other people can be spoiled with no problem; they probably accept it graciously and move on to better things. But I've always been the Only Girl, and with that comes spoiling privileges which I have been fighting against ever since I first noticed the inequality.

I am not my daddy's little princess. I might share his sense of humor and his small toes and his love of golf, but I am not going to start barking orders to his underlings or my brothers or some such nonsense.

There is nothing special about me. No reason to defer to me or cook lunch for me or do anything for me, really. If I do something nice for you, it is because you deserve it; no one has a debt to repay to me.

I want to be treated decently and fairly and to feel loved and accepted and wanted. That much even feels like spoiling to me. So, I don't know. It's a slippery slope I walk, and I am trying hard to find a balance.