Wednesday, May 04, 2005

"Wanda Looked All Around This Town, And All She Found Was Earl"

Another conglomerate post. If I were a rock, I would be... some kinda sedimentary thing. Scratch that analogy, I hated geology. If I were an ice cream flavor, I'd be rocky road. So, we have our chocolate base, which is this blog, and now it's time to throw in the marshmallow pieces (I demand pieces in my rocky road, none of this swirl nonsense) and the almond bits. Ready?

.Turns our Michael Arts, my future History of Philosophy professor, is the worst professor in the history of the universe, and I will fail and go to hell if I take his class, unless I were God Himself, and even that is questionable, as God would fall asleep during the lectures and be marked off. Good to know, right? Except the only other open section is during my English 452: Literary Theory class, which is the only section offered, and it is scheduled for the F Smith building, and the class size is nice and small, and I will not give it up. My choice is either to postpone an essential GE- and minor-required class EVEN MORE, or to take it with a boring, older version of Lucifer himself. Fantastic.

.I say this with the utmost sincerity and concern, which you will witness with my use of caps: DUMP THE BOY, NOW NOW NOW, BEFORE THINGS GET WORSE AND YOU REGRET EVEN MORE!!! If this were a movie, I'd be throwing popcorn at the screen. Actually, if this were a movie, it would be starring Freddie Prinze, Jr. and that one girl with the ugly shoes, and we'd be watching it together. I want the bad movies to stay on the screen, where they're mostly harmless, and we can laugh about them together. You are NOT in Movie Land, and you won't be going to Movie Land, so please... I'm begging you. Don't make Kristin and me commit acts of violence and do jail time. We're afraid of jail.

.From Ben:

"East Coast chicks... delicious."

.From Art:

"It is done."

I think the summer has begun, now. (Note: period inside quotation marks. As Americans, that's how we do things.)

.As annoyed as I can get when fighting to keep cat hair off of my possessions, and keeping my J Crew pants scratch-free, sometimes it's really nice to have a warm, soft, purring body curl up next to you in the middle of the night. And I like how the cat knows when I'm upset and becomes protective.

.Some things you can only do with certain friends. Evading the police is one of those things. Bra shopping is another, even more separate, category. I'm just glad the two groups don't consist of the same people, or we'd have problems. I'm also glad at least one of my friends likewise refuses to touch the underwear in the 99ยข bin, 'cause, well, ew.

.Throwing stuff away feels so good. I really like bringing a bunch of trash bags up to my room and filling them with the random junk I don't need or want and tossing it. I've filled three so far, and my room is starting to finally feel like home.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i can purr. does that count?

6:55 PM  
Blogger Baltazar said...

I allways look over the bra's when i'm in a dept. sto'' so many ways to be phoney on those 26 in. rib cages ,what great imagination

9:35 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

What are you throwing away? You don't live there, how can you have so much stuff that you have extra?

Remember, life isn't about having things. It's about having a lot of cool things!!!

I am not of the "dump the guy" school of thought. Why should you dump the guy? Just because it's not going anywhere? That's not a good enough excuse. All exceptions have to do with abuse. Abuse is not funny, unless it's on the Honeymooners. Oh, Ralph, only you can make spousal abuse funny again.

10:52 PM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

Aaron -- 1. Yes, you should dump a guy if it's not going anywhere. You two aren't married for a reason, and if it's not working, you're perfectly allowed to bail. Happiness is the goal; pure, unadultered bliss. Not a relationship.

2. It's an exception. Trust me.

5:08 PM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

P.S., Anonymous -- ;-)

Who are you?

5:08 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Is marriage really the goal? Isn't marriage a relationship? So that kinda does make a relationship the goal...if'n we accept the premise that marriage is the goal.
But if happiness is the true be all end all of existance, I know some people who would argue against marriage.
I'm just sayin'
Too many people use "this isn't going anywhere" as an excuse. People get scared. People see the grass as being greener...

Why aren't people ever honest when they break up? You don't like that person, that's why you're breaking up; it's okay to hurt their feelings. After all, you don't want to be around that person anymore. Who cares if they'll hate you from now on?

1:56 AM  
Anonymous voice from an ork cloud said...

miarrage is about taking care of kid's

5:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm someone who likes the fact that you responded to my comment with the winking face emote. ;-)

12:42 AM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

Will another wink get you to give me a better hint?

;-)

9:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, but no. What else ya got? :)

7:48 AM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

Killer brownies?

2:13 PM  

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