Sunday, May 01, 2005

"It's Like I'm Paranoid Lookin' Over My Back"

Confession time revisited? Yeah, let's do this. Today's topic is celebrity fears and quirky imaginations.

I will confess right here and right now that 50 Cent frightens me. Badly. To the point that I can imagine him coming to kill me. I don't really know why this is, but look at the guy... and I can just see him getting annoyed with something I do, like not buying his CDs or being afraid of him or correcting his grammar, and just killing me with one bare hand.

What gives me hope lies in the fact that I also have an unnatural fear of Avril Lavigne. I know it doesn't make sense now, but wait for it. Okay, so you know how Avril has this really tough image and she talks about beating people up? Yeah, she'd totally catch me off guard in some dark Canadian alleyway (don't ask me what I'm doing in Canada; frankly, I don't know) and work me over. Exceeeeept... she'd be coming to kick me, and would find 50 Cent on the way to my house to enact a scene of mass carnage, and they'd get into a tussle, kill each other, and free me to go about having other irrational fears about celebrities. Perfect, no? I certainly think so.

But that's not all. No, I want to talk about Jay-Z next. I don't believe he would actually shoot someone. I really, truly cannot picture it at all. I mean, look at that face! Aww, he's so cute. So not a killer. Sorry, Jay-Z, you're gonna hafta work harder to impress me. And I KNOW you read this blog. Call me sometime, k?

Right. Is there anyone else I can talk about? Prolly not, so let me close with a little reminscent bit. [Reminiscent Bit] I was thiiiis close to going to Denny's tonight and writing "gummy worms" on the menu. Yeah, it's been a year. I wonder if it's raining in Baltimore right now. [/Reminiscent Bit]

I need help.


Anonymous ludwig van beethoven said...

stephen foster,, george gershwin ,,cole porter never killed anybody,,are we hearing from a differnt world or a differnt quarter?

8:48 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I totally feel you on the fear of celebrities. They all just seem like if you say one bad thing or look at them the wrong way that they could just blow up in your face and shoot you. Maybe Nelly would hurt you then use his band-aid to stop the bleeding. who knows. But I know exactly what you mean

12:13 PM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

Hahaha, Jen, you crack me up. I always think of you when Nelly comes up. I don't remember how that happened, but it has something to do with something.

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Alphonse Capone said...

Going back a wayz 150 years "Tom Dooly" "I stabbed her with my knife" or "On The Banks of the Ohio" he drowned her.Looks like men and woman never did get along very well.

5:30 PM  

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