Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas Eve For Real

Christmas Eve Dinner with the Family.

Cast of Characters (dramatis personae):
Grammy - Mother's mother
Grandpop - Mother's father
Aunt Rose - Grammy's younger sister
Narrator - me

I know I set it up like a play, but the dialogue just wasn't that exciting for the most part, so I'm just going to catalogue a few things that happened:

- I ate three different vegetables. Three. Jaela would be so proud. The first was corn, which okay, isn't exactly a vegetable, but most of America thinks it is, and the consensus of the majority is what I'm after here. The second was cauliflower, which is definitely a vegetable in every sense of the word, and no one can dispute that. The third was ham, which probably no one considers a vegetable but me, but I can assure you that 1. ham is kinda gross, and vegetables are things that are gross, 2. ham does not have the consistency of what I would consider "meat," nor is it a bread, nor is it a delicious fat or sweet, so it must be a vegetable. I also consider mushrooms to be meat, so it's possible my classification system is just out of sync with what "professionals" would have us believe. Who decided what to classify what as anyway? If I want to have a category "vegetable" and put every gross thing in there, I can do it, and no one can stop me. Thus the power of the internet.

- I decided to quit college and move to Alaska to be a reindeer farmer. My mother doesn't believe that I'm serious. She told me about some kind of Country Woman article where a sheep farmer had to hand feed lambs every four hours, to discourage me. ("There is this Country Woman article--" "I know, but goats are dumb." "Will you let me finish? This woman has to HAND FEED lambs every four hours." "I can do that with baby reindeer. What are they called, anyway? ...Gos...lings?" "Hahahahahaha." "Oh! Fawns! Reinfawns!") Her tactics didn't work; I can't concentrate for long enough.

- There was a monster pigeon as big as a turkey and I made friends with it. I guess Grandpop feeds them, because they flock about as if they own the place.

And now my grandparents are bickering like old married couples do, and the rest of us are sitting here digesting. What they don't know is that in three minutes, I will unplug this laptop and hurl it across the living room. Muahahaha.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Were you raally that bored. We love you anyway.

7:37 PM  
Blogger Baltazar said...

Was pigion your name for the turkey or did I miss something

7:48 PM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

Where did I say I was bored?

And no, we didn't have turkey.

1:01 PM  

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