Snickering In The Background

Snickers bars. No, no, wait, hear me out. I'm going to rant for a little bit about the Snickers bar, and you will not stop me. Because, this candy bar? Is frankly waaay too much work. All the peanuts you have to chew through, I mean, COME ON. My point in eating a candy bar is NOT to waste my energy, OR my time. I want deliciousness, and I WANT IT NOW.

I just get bored with all the chewing, and so maybe I stop midway and frustratedly try to swallow, and I choke a little bit (a lot), and it's tedious. So so tedious. Which is why I will always choose Milky Way over Snickers. And what was that thing with the "high protein" Snickers bar, like they were trying to make a candy bar healthy, or something. Trust me, people: learn from the grave errors of Mr. Krispy Kreme and do not try to healthify something. Americans will be distrustful at best, and mass riots with hugely obese women lighting their undergarments on fire in protest and the such at worst. It's happened before. The calories and the fat of the candy bar cancel out any good adding extra nuts does to us, and the nuts cancel out the sweet sweet taste of melty caramel, because there's no more room for any deliciousness with all those fricking nuts packed in there.

It's stupid. I'm glad you've discontinued it. Now just take out the nuts altogether so I can blithely swallow my way into nougat-filled cardiac arrest, and we'll all be good.