Tuesday, December 28, 2004

"A Song for a Heart So Big"

Trying to be the example is hard, especially in this case. How does one confront perfection so often without getting discouraged? Because perfection is often harder than we make it to be, a harsher judge, a stricter critic. God-like perfection is... perfect. Understanding and kind and bouyant. Some things will always be hard for me. I am destined to fail and to fail repeatedly, forever, until I die. I embrace that failure, and I welcome it because I do not fear it. I know who I am. How many can truly say that of themselves? Well, I just had a good teacher and an early start. My failure does not lessen me. And there is a secret, soft smile that quiets my face and sweetens my dreams quite often to take away the sting of my too-mortal tears when I forget. There can be no greater Christmas gift.

Happy Birthday, Sarah.


Blogger Laci04 said...

You once asked me if I have ever cried myself awake.....my answer? After every dream I have that can never be real.

3:52 PM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

Life is sad. Especially when we foolish ones plan it out. I know I can't stop (it's my job as Plan Leader), and I don't think I want to, but it's not a very wise thing to do in many cases. Thing is, I have a gift or a talent or an awful, horrible curse where I can let go of things. Sometimes far too easily, and it saddens me to see how people let me do it, but I take full responsibility for that. Sometimes not so easily at all, and sometimes...sometimes I just don't let go at all. I let go of other things instead like selfishness and greediness and build my hope around something else entirely. If I can't learn to be happy now, then it is going to be a long, cold, horrible eternity. And I'd rather spend it laughing. Or watching the moonlight play over a river at Harper's Ferry.

5:07 PM  
Blogger Bart Zamboni said...

Our failures do not lessen us, but rather lesson us. Depending on the day, I consider myself an expert on failing. I can never seem to live up to my expectations. Growing up, I was considered the "good" one. Everyone depended on me to keep things in perspective. On my mission I drifted from that reputation but maintained that expectation as a part of what defined me. When I got home, I naturally fell into that role. How could I not, as a RM? Some friends even gave me the nickname "Holy Ghost." I was not worthy of such a nickname but I was honored.

Things are different now. People no longer admire me as a righteous example. I have successfully escaped that role. It felt so confining. I felt trapped by it. Looking back without it, I would give anything to have the safety it brings. Sometimes being an example can be like a string holding a kite. Cutting it may appear to eliminate your limitations, but in actuality without it you may find yourself trapped somewhere you don’t want to be. This is the case with me. I would trade my soul for a chance to once again soar as high as my string will allow.

12:26 AM  

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