"I'm Lookin' Like A Fool Again"

I miss hearing bad jokes. I used to get one every day, but not so much anymore. So I thought I'd tell a joke, even though this one happens to be not bad, but really, really good. Let me paint the scene to start off: Picture me in seventh grade algebra, an intensely boring class that also happened to be frigid and right before lunch. Good thing we were seated in alphabetic order and my best friend was alphabetically next to me. She told me this joke all these many years ago while we were supposed to be studying quadratic equations or something equally silly. This one's for you, Kacie. And Shapiro's pants; definitely cannot forget the pants.

There once was a man who lived in a house. One day, he heard a knock at his front door. He got up and went to answer the knock (as society had conditioned him to do), but as he opened the door and looked around, he saw not a soul. Up the street and down the street he peered, then gave up and began to close the door. As he did so, he looked down and his eye caught on a snail standing on his stoop. It was the snail who had rung his bell! The man, in a fit of unexplainable passion, picked up the snail and chucked it as far as he could.

One year later, the man heard another knock at his door. (He can't have been too terribly popular.) Once again he got up and went to answer the door, and once again no one was there. But then he looked down, and there was the snail! Sitting on the porch! ...Because it had taken him a year to snail himself all the way back!!

HAHAHAHAHA! Oh the antics of that snail! HAHAHAHAHA!!

[Yes, I am really laughing THAT HARD. I find it all absolutely hilarious. Shut up and go away if you can't appreciate a fine sense of humor. Jerks.]