""There's No Point In Running 'Less You Run With Me"
So many people love and swear by the book He's Just Not That Into You, but I hate it. I don't blame anyone who recommended the book to me or praised the book to me or loaned the book to me. It still is a good book. It just makes me realize why my life sucks it up.
Here is why this book is not good for me.
There are guys who like me. Who absolutely adore me. Who would do anything for me. I inspire that sort of craziness and foolery fairly often, due to what people label the LIZ Factor. At last count, I have had two proposals, two guys sit down with my roommate and tell her to make sure I didn't get married in their absence because they want a chance, and a multiplicity of other outpourings of love. Granted, a lot of these people have no idea who I really am, or they wouldn't really want to be married to me, but my smile does at least dazzle them enough to make them believe they at least WANT to know me. They're the kind of guys the book says I should be with: attentive, loving, crazy about me, whatever. Sooo... why am I not with them? Oh, that's right, because I'm broken.
The list keeps getting longer and longer and I keep getting closer and closer to desperation. Something really is wrong with me. Why can't I just fall for a guy who adores me? The self-loathing is intense at times.
And yet, I know that I CAN care. I know that I can sit and wait for months on end, construct hope out of nothing, be there emotionally if not always physically, support, encourage, and develop a wonderful connection with someone. I can do that, without fail, for a long time. I just need the right inspiration. I am an idiot, but I'm not afraid to play the fool if I can see what I want, and I'm not afraid to play the fool forever. It just would be nice to have that foolery returned.
This book says I'm better than that. I AM better than that. But what the book doesn't say is that sometimes there are a lot of great guys you're not supposed to be with, and when you find what you're supposed to be with and maybe he's an idiot, you're in a real tight situation.
Conclusion? Hey, at least the Bishop's bird loves me and I love him back equally. Oh wait, he died. Nevermind, I am going to end up old, cranky, and alone.
Here is why this book is not good for me.
There are guys who like me. Who absolutely adore me. Who would do anything for me. I inspire that sort of craziness and foolery fairly often, due to what people label the LIZ Factor. At last count, I have had two proposals, two guys sit down with my roommate and tell her to make sure I didn't get married in their absence because they want a chance, and a multiplicity of other outpourings of love. Granted, a lot of these people have no idea who I really am, or they wouldn't really want to be married to me, but my smile does at least dazzle them enough to make them believe they at least WANT to know me. They're the kind of guys the book says I should be with: attentive, loving, crazy about me, whatever. Sooo... why am I not with them? Oh, that's right, because I'm broken.
The list keeps getting longer and longer and I keep getting closer and closer to desperation. Something really is wrong with me. Why can't I just fall for a guy who adores me? The self-loathing is intense at times.
And yet, I know that I CAN care. I know that I can sit and wait for months on end, construct hope out of nothing, be there emotionally if not always physically, support, encourage, and develop a wonderful connection with someone. I can do that, without fail, for a long time. I just need the right inspiration. I am an idiot, but I'm not afraid to play the fool if I can see what I want, and I'm not afraid to play the fool forever. It just would be nice to have that foolery returned.
This book says I'm better than that. I AM better than that. But what the book doesn't say is that sometimes there are a lot of great guys you're not supposed to be with, and when you find what you're supposed to be with and maybe he's an idiot, you're in a real tight situation.
Conclusion? Hey, at least the Bishop's bird loves me and I love him back equally. Oh wait, he died. Nevermind, I am going to end up old, cranky, and alone.
posted by juxtaposer at 11:16 AM
15 Comments:
I'm writing your book. I'm going to be a best selling author and make millions. Your book is called "You're Just Not That Into Him And He's Way Too Into You". I'll let you know when it's finished.
I agree with all you wrote. And if you end up an old maid like I will, we can live in a house together with lots of cats. Or dogs, since I hate cats.
Love doesn't work in logic. It doesn't listen to reason. It doesn't follow convenience, or rules, or make sense all the time. It isn't predictable, or controllable... at least not the real kind. The fact that we are so smitten by something so counterintuitive is wholly unbelievable.
That's what makes it so rare. THat's what makes it so beautiful.
I am a huge proponent of love in all of its frustrations and entanglements and glories. I don't think it should ever, ever be controlled or forced or profaned. I also don't think it's cool to be reading a book that is telling me that any guy who wants to put me on a pedestal is who I should be with, 'cause there's more to love than that. Companionship and connectability and compassion. And lots of mushiness.
The thing is, I don't go for guys I know I can't get. That would just be silly, and they'd never capture my attention long enough for anything to develop.
It's inevitable, most people will at least once in their lives fall for someone they can't get. And there will always be the ones who are perfect for you in every way, yet you can't feel anything but friendship for them. You can't control who you love. It just happens that way. And no, I'm not bitter at all. :)
I, personally, believe in soulmates. If you settle for "good enough" when there's no raging fire of passion then you'll be doomed to a life of mediocrity... and cheating your soulmate out of the chance to be with you. Waiting for the right person can be tough... but worth it in the end!
I checked out your blog, Sister Sunshine, and I love it! Thanks for commenting. As for the whole "soulmate" thing, I don't believe there's just one "right one" out there for everyone. What I DO believe is that you should wait for the person who fits you perfectly, who thinks the way you do, who believes the way you believe, who will be there through it all, laughing with you, rejoicing with you, crying with you, fighting with you... and the intense passion and love and craziness that comes with that companionship is what a "soulmate" is to me. And I, for one, am not going to jaunt off somewhere and attach myself to someone who doesn't fulfill that.
And Laci, for your bitterness... hanging out with Rachael might not be the best thing to, um, unbitterfy you. Not that bitter people aren't fun and amazing too.
I know the Bishop's dog loves me... but Buddy's easy to please. :) That tears it... I need a puppy...
Haha no worries there...I'm not THAT bad. Here's a question for you...what if you have that "raging fire of passion" and everything with a person you can never be with? Is it possible to have that, but to not feel anything but friendship for that person, if that?
My new system of classifying guys has a category of "guys you could throw on a couch and make out with." This was sparked by a kitchen-window conversation, the details of which are not important. Some guys just have that magnetism, and it's hard NOT to, well, throw them on a couch and make out with them. But I've always, always restrained myself, partly to keep from getting burned, because girls attach themselves emotionally (almost always) to guys they're smoochin', and partly because if I DO kiss a guy... woah. He'd better feel like the king of the world, because I'm so careful with my kisses, and I want my guy to feel just that special.
So to answer your question: it's possible. But I personally would rather hold back. You get to respect yourself more, and if you make a boy work for a kiss, it'll drive him crazy (with love). In fact, if I were evil and disgusting enough, I'd write a book entitled "How to Break a Guy's Heart: An Easy Ten-Step Guide." And then I'd kill myself because oh, the self-loathing.
I payed 19.95 for I Heart Huckabees
I coud have read this blog or nothing
Wait, wait. Are the screenwriters of "I Heart Huckabees" avid readers of my blog too?
Maybe I'm just a freak of nature or something....but it is entirely possible for me to not emotionally attach myself to someone I have that....relationship with. Maybe I don't want to "drive them crazy with love." But that's just me. And you'd probably make a lot of money off of that book.
If you're fine and he's fine, more power to ya. A lot of girls won't understand that, but oh well. I'm not them. :-)
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