Tuesday, April 19, 2005

"I Needed To Hear Something That Sounded Like An Answer, Now I Wait Here, And Sometimes I Get One"

I know you're reading this. And I know that, as you're reading this, you're thinking it was written for you. That's intentional.

Please start thinking before you say things to me. It takes a lot to maintain my sanity these days: More willpower and heart than you could ever imagine. I know, I've seen you crumble. What you don't know is how fragile I am. That's purposeful. No one knows how fragile I am. Confessing it on my blog isn't giving anyone any indication of how fragile I am. You'll probably start imagining something right now, wondering just how delicate and breakable I am. You couldn't be further from the truth.

It might seem like I hate you or resent you. I assure you such is not the case. It just seems entirely laughable to me that you, YOU, should put me in such a situation. You've been doubting all along whether or not this was actually written for you: Surely you cannot have been guilty of such a crime. You're right that you're not guilty, but that doesn't erase the chalk outline smearing my hopes.

I trust you, fully and completely. I trust you to be exactly who you are, and I like who you are. If I could author my own life, everything would work jointly and smoothly, but if I were to ink the plot and dialogue, 'twould be an awful, dull, pedantic life indeed. I consider it a fair exchange.

All I ask of you is to consider. Consider what it is you say to me. Consider what it is you want, and what you hope for, dream for, live for, long for. I don't think you truly know what that is yet. Remember, life is not about duty. And if your heart is hanging heavily in your chest now, think about this: Perhaps this is written for all the "you"s in my life. Perhaps you can be the one I look to to be different.

8 Comments:

Blogger Sam said...

How ironic.

6:40 PM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

I love you, Sam. And I'm sorry.

9:13 PM  
Blogger Baltazar said...

is this something only weman can understand ?

9:17 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I do believe it is a women-thing. I mean, I don't get it. Maybe I'm just not vain enough. I'm not so vain that I think that this post is about me.

11:44 PM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

Post and Sam are two different things. And you wouldn't understand.

2:27 AM  
Blogger Baltazar said...

I finally analyzed this : Dante,Edger Allen Poe ,Ann Colture (last line)

4:14 PM  
Blogger juxtaposer said...

How do you get THAT out of what I was writing? There were no midnights dark and dreary, no quothing, no descending into purgatory, no political agenda...?

4:29 PM  
Anonymous 0926SRR said...

ambience not insidence

5:22 PM  

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