This Life Has Been A Holiday
I know you're worried that I've disappeared for a while. You're wondering if perhaps some internet stalker, upon reading about my skinny dipping exploits, decided to track me down and murder me; or perhaps you're an old reader, and are worried that the nutcrackers have taken over my house and I am now suffocating in a gruesome pile of little, bearded men; or perhaps you just think that I ate too much turkey and am still in a tryptophan-induced slumber.
None of the above have actually occured, however. I assure you, I am safe and warm. I just went out of town for a while, and was staying in a house that only believes in dial-up, and rather than bruise my soul in such a painful manner, I decided to pretend that the internet hadn't been invented, and I soothed myself with rereading Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister for the third or fourth time. While I was even awake. Yes, haha, because you see, I am allergic to my grandmother's house, so I decided to get some Claritin and take it, so I wouldn't be sneezing through the pre-Christmas festivities. Yeah, remember how I don't take drugs ever, or even put caffeine into my body? Well, the shock of medication coursing through my system put my body out for fifteen straight hours. I checked the box the next day when I woke up, and apparently, overdosing on the stuff "may cause drowsiness." And to my body, ONE PILL is overdosing.
Anyway, once I returned from visiting family, then it was time for Christmas, and all the...joy...that brought with it. All I'll say is, I don't always feel like eating cheesecake, and people shouldn't get offended and weepy-eyed over that fact. That was my Christmas.
And then of course came Post-Christmas, and the shopping frenzy. It's a family tradition to shop both on Black Friday and the Day After Christmas, and since I always miss Black Friday (as I'm continually jetting off [literally] to random places across the country for my Thanksgiving holiday), we have to expend all the shopping energy we have into the Day After Christmas sales. By "we," I mean "my mother and I," because dragging boys along on such ventures is pointless. They are such whiny babies, always complaining about everything. Sheesh. So my mom and I hit a couple stores, and I spent my gift card money, and it was a great time. For some reason, I really enjoy shopping in the crowds like that, and I have no idea why; what possibly makes such a thing exciting rather than stressful. Maybe I'm always secretly hoping some stranger will kidnap me in the confusion of the throng, and I'll get my face plastered all over the milk cartons. And if my face is on those milk cartons, you people had BETTER buy them.
So that's what I've been up to. I hope you've all been very merry yourselves, swilling down eggnog and caroling through the lamp-lit streets, or whatever it is you people get up to during the holiday season.
None of the above have actually occured, however. I assure you, I am safe and warm. I just went out of town for a while, and was staying in a house that only believes in dial-up, and rather than bruise my soul in such a painful manner, I decided to pretend that the internet hadn't been invented, and I soothed myself with rereading Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister for the third or fourth time. While I was even awake. Yes, haha, because you see, I am allergic to my grandmother's house, so I decided to get some Claritin and take it, so I wouldn't be sneezing through the pre-Christmas festivities. Yeah, remember how I don't take drugs ever, or even put caffeine into my body? Well, the shock of medication coursing through my system put my body out for fifteen straight hours. I checked the box the next day when I woke up, and apparently, overdosing on the stuff "may cause drowsiness." And to my body, ONE PILL is overdosing.
Anyway, once I returned from visiting family, then it was time for Christmas, and all the...joy...that brought with it. All I'll say is, I don't always feel like eating cheesecake, and people shouldn't get offended and weepy-eyed over that fact. That was my Christmas.
And then of course came Post-Christmas, and the shopping frenzy. It's a family tradition to shop both on Black Friday and the Day After Christmas, and since I always miss Black Friday (as I'm continually jetting off [literally] to random places across the country for my Thanksgiving holiday), we have to expend all the shopping energy we have into the Day After Christmas sales. By "we," I mean "my mother and I," because dragging boys along on such ventures is pointless. They are such whiny babies, always complaining about everything. Sheesh. So my mom and I hit a couple stores, and I spent my gift card money, and it was a great time. For some reason, I really enjoy shopping in the crowds like that, and I have no idea why; what possibly makes such a thing exciting rather than stressful. Maybe I'm always secretly hoping some stranger will kidnap me in the confusion of the throng, and I'll get my face plastered all over the milk cartons. And if my face is on those milk cartons, you people had BETTER buy them.
So that's what I've been up to. I hope you've all been very merry yourselves, swilling down eggnog and caroling through the lamp-lit streets, or whatever it is you people get up to during the holiday season.
posted by juxtaposer at 3:41 PM
2 Comments:
I like shopping both Black Friday and the day after Christmas. Except this year, my black friday was simply wandering through walmart at about 5pm and picking up the remains of a sale or two and a crock pot that wasn't on sale. I didn't get to any store this year until two days after Christmas, and I was kind of disappointed by the lack of really great sales.
i have never in my life seen one of those missing person milk cartons. i wonder if they truely exist. and if they do, i feel i am really missing out.
happy holidays.
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