Glittering Indecision
What if I didn't go back to school this coming semester? What would I do with myself? I know I have a place to live rent-free and a job waiting for me come January out in Utah. That's an option, and in a way, an appealing one, because 1. I like (love) babies, and I would be a nanny for a very wonderful baby, and 2. I could be back in Utah to hang out with all these awesome people who were taken from me for two years to serve the greater good (and while I'm a big fan of the greater good, I really really missed these kids, and I'd rather have them with me than anywhere else). Also, 3., I'd get to be reunited with my roommate, whom I miss terribly.
The cons? It's Utah. I cannot live in Utah. I tried for six semesters to be happy there, and the culture differences combined with several other factors make it an impossibility.
I could also move to Switzerland with my good friend OtherJennifer. We would bake bread and trade the villagers for goat cheese and produce and live happily among the mountains. She proposed this idea to me last night, and honestly, the peace and happiness that eminated from it warmed my soul. I really really want Switzerland. But somehow I would feel irresponsible - like I was abandoning the friends whose lives I have loved for so long.
Or I could just suck it all up, figure everything out, and brave the Great Uncertain of actually going to school this semester and binding me to this choice.
Maybe that's it - I don't want to be fettered to any one choice right now, and that's my right, right now. I am only twenty-one, and I'll never be twenty-one ever again. I'm just not sure quite how I'm feeling right now, other than unbelievably stressed out with thinking about things continually. I could use a break.
The cons? It's Utah. I cannot live in Utah. I tried for six semesters to be happy there, and the culture differences combined with several other factors make it an impossibility.
I could also move to Switzerland with my good friend OtherJennifer. We would bake bread and trade the villagers for goat cheese and produce and live happily among the mountains. She proposed this idea to me last night, and honestly, the peace and happiness that eminated from it warmed my soul. I really really want Switzerland. But somehow I would feel irresponsible - like I was abandoning the friends whose lives I have loved for so long.
Or I could just suck it all up, figure everything out, and brave the Great Uncertain of actually going to school this semester and binding me to this choice.
Maybe that's it - I don't want to be fettered to any one choice right now, and that's my right, right now. I am only twenty-one, and I'll never be twenty-one ever again. I'm just not sure quite how I'm feeling right now, other than unbelievably stressed out with thinking about things continually. I could use a break.
posted by juxtaposer at 10:51 AM
5 Comments:
A mysterious bolt from the blue
I assure you, the feeling is mutual. And, I'm fairly certain you know where I stand on the matter.
I'm a firm believer in people creating quality of life for each other . . . as opposed to an environment dictating happiness. It's something I've had to learn, but since I've realized it, Utah has been much more bearable. I mean, I'd MUCH rather be in Oregon going to school. I LOVE it here . . . I feel like I fit here. But, there are a variety of reasons (aside from the obvious one) that make Utah a necessity at this point. Mark my words, I'll not be here for too much longer.
It's Utah
that should be a sufficient reason.
New York? Just kidding.
Alaska? I'm NOT kidding.
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