Saturday, October 07, 2006

And I'm Thinking I'd Prefer Not To Be Rescued

Is it just me, or are there other people out there who just cannot summon the will to go out on grand adventures when they feel they look like crap? Please tell me that I'm not alone. Or are you all just beautiful all the time, you creepy, stange, robot-people who are reading my blog right now? I hate you. It's the jealousy surging out, prompted by the knowledge that I barely slept last night, so the dark circles are ringing my eyes, and the stress is leaving its mark on my skin, and I'm pretty sure I'm extra yellowy-pale from fatigue/coming down with a cold, and I haven't showered since I'm not quite sure when, and I just worked a long shift in a job that doesn't exactly improve my appearance, and just STOP ASKING ME TO GO DO SOMETHING, OKAY? I would rather curl up in my bed, here, with my electric blanket, and my stuffed rabbit, and this darkness, that covers all my imperfections and leaves me blanketed and safe.

Which I'm sure makes me look like a Grinch. Thank heavens for people like Jennifer who love me enough to put up with me through everything and still want to hang out with me when I feel like coming back to life. Thank heavens I have friends who keep on asking me to do things, even when I turn them down and disappear and become suddenly scarce. The truth is, I don't know how to deal with everything, but I'd rather confront it than cloak myself in smiles and fun and gadding about town, so I'm always with a crowd, and so the crowd and their needs and feelings shut out my own. I'd love to be with you -- but I need to be on my own, and often.

Maybe you could come visit me in my own world sometime.

2 Comments:

Blogger Jacob said...

If I felt beautiful enough to venture out in the world, I would not be at home right now on a Saturday night reading blogs. I would not have had to come up with lame excuses to give to my friends why I didn't want to go out tonight.

12:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You always look amazing! Even when you are leaving work! You turn me down quite often, however, I will stick it out! The chance of going on another "adventure" is worth the wait. When you do feel like coming back to life, you know where to reach me :) It would be awesome to comet visit you in our own world sometime!!! Give me directions, and I will be there.

1:03 PM  

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