A Return

One of my bigger disappointments with myself is my recent neglect of this blog. I just feel like I have so much to say, but it's all so scattered, it's a lot easier for me to throw my keys against a window and develop a stress-related illness than to actually process anything.

So instead of blogging, I've gone on a few soul-searching drives, and had a good, GOOD many soul-revealing roommate talks, and I've obsessively (of course...everything I do involves obsession) researched myself on the internet. Not as in Googling my name, because that certainly would be unfruitful, but more researching about me, and about people like me, and why we do the obsessive, crazy, dumb stuff we do.

For instance, today was a day off of classes for the entire university, so I had the morning free. I spent the morninbg cleaning a friend's living room. And here was the thought process, I kid you not:

If I clean the living room, maybe they will notice, and then I will be noticeable. I hate being forgotten.

And they will keep liking me and wanting me to hang out.

And when I didn't have enough time to finish everything I wanted to clean, because I had to put food into my body at some point:

I am such a failure.


Except now I have Jaela in my life, and she makes me feel like less of a freak. She even put a name to our particular disorder, which has been unbelievably relieving. I look forward to the day when I can actually feel normal again.