We're Not The Same, Dear, As We Used To Be

I am still consistently amazed at how happy I am. People ask me how I'm doing, and my response of, "Good! Really, really good!" isn't hiding anything, it's just the plain, simple truth. I am doing really, really good. I don't even care that that's not grammatically correct, THAT IS HOW GOOD I FEEL.

I had one low moment soon after I moved home, and that was my first in a while, and it hasn't been repeated since. Frustrating things happen, and I get through them just fine. I almost got lost in the backcountry of Smithsburg and had to become a mountain man for the rest of my life, because I thought I sure wouldn't find my way back to civilization. But I retraced my steps just fine, discovered the error I'd made in the dark, and even figured out why my directions weren't taking me where I needed to go. All while laughing.

It occured to me a while ago while I was listening to an album I really like (Brand New, "The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me"), when I thought to myself, That will never be me. I will never again be the mess and jumble of heartsick, disastrous emotions over love, or anything else really. I worked hard at getting myself stable and healthy, but that meant giving up the huge, passionate bursts of feeling. And I wondered to myself if I would ever regret the loss.

I regret the loss. I regret the loss of a lot of things; I'm not one of those people who doesn't believe in having regrets, but also, mine are different. I feel those losses, keenly, but in facing the decision again, I would make the same one every time. I am where I am supposed to be, I am convinced of that. And even if I don't know where I am going, because I haven't the slightest clue, well. I am happy right now. And I will treasure that.

Wikipedia Can Help You with Those Philosophical Terms I Threw out There Like Everyone Knows or Cares

It's a little strange to me that the boy who mocks people for valuing anything material should be so crazy about his car. Crazy about it to the extent of bragging. But there you are.

To me, everything is material (I'm a materialist, philosophically; it comes from being a Mormon), so you have to care about SOMETHING that's material. I realize I'm equivocating, but I think possessions and progress can be very good things. Thoreau and I would not be the greatest of friends, and I'm okay with that. I believe in living in the world, and connecting with people, and all those grand things that can come from a life not spent alone in the woods.