More Complaining About Money, I Think

I went to Wal-Mart today, on one of those "Oh, my roommate asked me to go with her so she can get some groceries and have some company, and I totally won't buy anything, and I don't even need to bring my wallet with me," except you do bring your wallet, because secretly you're wanting to buy something (so secretly, in fact, that your brain keeps this fact carefully hidden from you) and you end up spending fifty dollars on DVDs and a lawn chair, which is all you've really budgeted for groceries for the entire month trips.

Well, I didn't buy a lawn chair, but I did buy one (or, um, four) DVDs (on discount, is how I rationalized it). And I didn't quite spend fifty dollars, either, but I did go to Food Lion this morning with the express intent of buying cream cheese...and I bought everything BUT cream cheese.

A couple things have changed my spending habits rather drastically, though. Now that I have a car, it's suddenly possible for me to convey myself to a place where items can be purchased. Before, it took two weeks of careful planning just to make sure I had enough food to keep my body from starving to death. Oh, and also gas costs money too, and way more than it ever should. I'm going to steal a horse, or maybe a local, and ride around in a rickshaw from now on to keep costs down. Also, now I have friends, and roommates I'm friends with, and they want to do things, and I want to do things with them, and darn it all if we don't live in a capitalist society wherein everything must cost something.

If only we could barter with something. Something I have in plentiful supply. Like. Um. Well, I have a lot of hair. Maybe I could work a deal out?

This Is What She Said Gets Her Through It

I presented on the identity of indiscernibles today. All I know is, the professor always asks a "tough question," and I absolutely nailed it. Nailed it to the point that he sat back and nodded his head approvingly. And then later in class I asked a question that actually stumped him for a few minutes. I think I'm getting a hang of this philosophy thing.

The best part of my day, though, was when I had to go to the football player's study hall to drum up people for the date auction. I basically flirted my way into a group of guys and charmed them all into selling themselves for the literary magazine. Oh, and I gave out my phone number. He's only 18, and it's just so he can pay me for any paper help I give him, but still -- a number's a number.

I guess this is the sort of thing I get up to when I don't have to work, which makes me believe that someone should offer to pay all my bills for me and support me in general, so that I'm free to continue goofing around.

Wait. That's what I did for twenty years. Nevermind, I guess.

A Spotty Return

I'd blog more often if the internet here actually worked more often. Usually it's just a bunch of clicking and refreshing and endless hoping for something that either doesn't quite happen, or frustrates me so much in the happening that it's not even worth it in the end.

I could draw some parallels there, but I don't think I will. Instead, I'm going to prepare for the Metaphysics presentation I'm almost certain to fail. (I'm not even certain I WILL fail it, but I'm not willing to believe that any of my criticisms or analyses are correct at this juncture. I'm not used to this actual philosophy thing. My old classes were just a jumble of boring lectures, interspersed with take-home essay tests we could look up on Wikipedia.)

I hope you guys are having fun. Let me know what you're up to.

Labor Day Vacation

Last night at work, all the regulars were standing around, getting out of the hurricane (yes, hurricane; I love being home rather than in a desert) when I mentioned that I'd be driving home after my shift ended. Immediately several things happened:

1. They had a group vote deciding in a unanimous tide that I would not be allowed to drive through a hurricane.

2. They asked to call my mother.

3. David, my coworker, was assaulted and asked why he was not volunteering to take the later shift, allowing me to get off earlier (his wife would be angry, was his response; married people are lame, was mine).

4. Mike successfully cut a snowflake out of some ads.

I was touched that they would be so concerned about my welfare, and I kind of laughed to myself at their restriction that I couldn't leave to go home until the next day. "After midnight is technically tomorrow," I told myself, and I promised them I would wait.

Actually leaving was quite the event. I noticed a firetruck with lights ablaze heading up the road, and I wondered what was going on. What was going on was that a little red Camaro had driven INTO THE HILLSIDE somehow, and every cop and rescue squad worker and fireman in town was on the scene. I was just hoping that no one would notice that it was MY car snaking around their barriers, because I'm pretty sure some of the people there were some of the people who had voted against my leaving that night. It felt wildly scandalous and thrilling to think that I had to sneak out of town, but what with the rain and the wind and the CAR IN A HILLSIDE, I don't think they had much time to notice me.

And here I am at the beach! The room is nice, the weather is appropriate, with low scud matching the grey water, and gulls floating over everything. Oh, and also, I maybe broke my toe by dropping my suitcase on it, so there's that to keep me entertained if nothing else. And the poetry that has been pouring out of me for the past few days; there's that too.

Let It Go

I really like the way desklamp light shines through pulp-free (the way God intended it to be) orange juice. No, no, hear me out on this...okay, I got nothin'. It's amazing what trails my mind will wander on; it's why you shouldn't be disappointed if you ask me what I'm thinking, and I don't tell you. YOU PROBABLY DON'T REALLY WANT TO KNOW, ANYWAY. And if you do? Please leave your telephone number in the comments, because I would very much like to marry you. Except I'm not quite sure I believe you exist (and with my current state of affairs being buried up to my neck in metaphysical texts, I'm not quite sure you want to engage me in that debate right now).

Also: I figured out what the heck I'm doing here. It all started when Jaela bounded into my room and told me I was her vitamin (seriously, that's definitely a way to charm me), and we got to talking. About boys and life and forgiveness and boys who need forgiveness or they will very shortly lose their lives (haha, kidding, but clever nonetheless, no?) and how we never, ever, ever expect anyone to like us, and when it happens it very much catches us off guard. And somewhere in there I realized that I have a lot of issues that I've developed in the last few years, and I need to solve them. When did I become the kind of person who hated herself? When did I lose the ability to jump into everything wholeheartedly, devilmaycareifIcrashanddieandithurtsohsomuch? And that's really just the beginning. There's a whole lot of stuff floating around the old noggin' that I'd never admit to the internet, or even mostly to myself, and Virginia is finally giving me the ability to get in there and slough it all out. It's also giving me rain that doesn't leave brown muddy sweatstains all over my car and the best philosophy professor the government's money on temporary loan could buy and a certain peace that I never have quite felt away from this coast. And the ocean - it has given me back the ocean, which I'm going to visit in a few days. One of the most achingly beautiful sounds is the gull's cry echoing over marshland. Go hear it sometime.

Go heal somewhere.